30 lessons I learned before turning 30

When you get that feeling that something in your life must change, that you have been in one place for too long and your dreams are not really aligned with your reality and that – “later, when I have enough money, when I will have figured out what is it I really want to do, then everything will be great” is not really happening, then it is time to shift gears and just make your reality now! Or at least that is what I am doing now.

But to do so you must really get to the core of who you are and why are you doing anything, so you are not just running away from your life, but towards something great, something that you can be truly empowered by.

My journey to my own power and worth really reached a pinnacle this year, in May.

This year I turned 30, which is quite a big deal for many, because you are stepping out of your twenties and in the eyes of Western society you should really be a grown-up now. I have no idea how it came so quickly and I really wanted to somehow commemorate this special spin around the sun.

My birthday is on May 31st and lemme tell you - I really appreciate the date, splitting the year in the middle – a great point for re-centering, taking the breath in before summer and generally guaranteed good weather!

And so on the last days of April a challenge came to me.

Challenge – to create a video every day and post it on Instagram reels & TikTok

Theme – 30 lessons or truths I have learned in my 30 years on this planet

Objective – to cultivate self-worth through process of deep reflection, to gain confidence through being vulnerable and speaking on the camera and letting the world hear and see, to find like-minded people and to cultivate discussion, to learn how social media algorithms work and lastly – to commit myself to something for 30 days.

And somehow that month turned out quite amazing and inspiring, as if orchestrated by someone who really wants me to experience everything, to truly ingrain these lessons, and every point came to me that day, I wasn’t trying to think them in advance. 🧚‍♀️

Thank you, thank you, thank you universe! 💛

Without further ado, here is the list of #30before30

1. Growth is inevitable

I thought that I need to be in action, constantly doing something, learning, and working for me to feel any value, for me to feel any ounce of worthiness. But it turns out I am worthy just by being here. I am growing as a person and learning even when I am not actively doing it, just by being present, feeling my emotions fully, enjoying a good meal or going on a walk. All these are experiences that grow me as a person, I am learning more about myself, my values, about how I am in life, and how I want to be, therefore – growth is inevitable!

2. It is okay not to go to that party

You are not going to find the love of your life at that party or maybe if you stay longer and extend yourself outside your boundaries and limits, maybe then? Honey – no! Sometimes it is quite all right to stay at home and just chill and cultivate a loving relationship with yourself. I had the worst case of FOMO (fear of missing out) and would go to all the parties and feel guilt and jealousy if I heard that I had missed out on a great socializing event until I realized that this feeling is not serving me at all. Regret is a useless emotion that just opens a floodgate to other emotions that are unnecessary. I started to see that everything needs to be aligned with how I feel and how I am at any given moment, not with any society-constructed “shoulds” and “musts”.

3. Invest in yourself

Health, education, those tap-dancing lessons, whatever it is, your money deserves to serve you and your growth. To invest in something that betters you as a person is the best investment, even if you don’t see the return straight away. My only regret is that I didn’t start to prioritize learning about investing earlier in life and spent so much of my money in parties, although I would call it an investment in my social life and connections.

4. Creating a sustainable morning routine

This one is golden! This is how l started to feel like I have control over my life, by choosing to devote myself to a practice that I enjoy, that feeds my soul & body. By choosing myself in the mornings I was restructuring my values. But you have to make it sustainable – do what you really enjoy, experiment, but stick with it. For me, it is meditation, gratitude or affirmation or thought journaling, yoga, or stretching sometimes added or switched by Wim Hof's breathing method or dancing to a favorite tune. I can only imagine where would I be if I had started this practice earlier, but do not judge the timing and do not really entertain all the what ifs, start when it is right, fail and start again.

5. Smell the flower, blow the candle

This one mom told me a few months earlier and it resonated. When you have heightened emotional response, you are either anxious or stressed, - imagine a fragrant flower, take a deep breath in, and then imagine a candle and slowly blow it out. Or simply put – take a slow, conscious breath, and see that you have time, and you are still here and so grateful to be alive!

6. Be grateful, every day, every second

You are here, this wonderous being on this planet which really is a paradise, and your soul gets to experience this lifetime here, right now, isn’t it miraculous? There is so much beauty in it, and if you really find a moment to count your blessings – they are plentiful! Living in gratitude is a balm to the soul, and from where more things to be grateful for will manifest naturally. Energy flows where attention goes, as James Redfield famously said.

7. Don’t interrupt – listen

This one is not easy, it takes a lot of attention and leaving the ego behind to actively listen to someone. Listen as you would like someone to listen to you, with full attention, don’t think about what will you say when the person pauses, be receptive. There is so much we can learn from each other if we really, fully listen!

8. Finding stillness in motion

It seems paradoxical, but this is known to many athletes and they call it the flow state. To access that peace and calmness while being in motion is truly intoxicating. Whether it is yoga, surfing, dancing, or like me – moving with the stick, to reach that point where your mind goes quiet, you are moving on your own accord and your body is fully in control of itself is magical. Cultivating these moments helps you realize the full potential you have and the unnecessary noise that the mind generates.

9. Follow your joy

What’s the point of life otherwise? To suffer and create more suffering in the world? I refuse to live by that paradigm! I choose to follow my joy as it can lead you to the most amazing and unexpected places. Life is an expression of your joy, follow that feeling and see how you can create more joy in the world.

10. Allow yourself to feel it all

Whatever it is joy, sadness, anger, pain, or excitement, let yourself fully feel the emotion. If we bury them or brush them aside emotions will accumulate and engulf us when we are not expecting it and can harm those around you. Emotions are energy in motion and energy is power, so sit with the arising emotion, feel where it is rising in your body, let yourself feel it fully, and use it as fuel. We are humans, and having emotions is part of the human experience. Learning how to be present with what is going on inside you is truly powerful!

11. It is ok to be weird

It just makes you extraordinary, you are stepping into your own unique self, finding the power in your expression, you are a non-conformist and are ok with doing things differently, and that is a great gift! To change the world, to invent on the systems already in place it is needed to look outside the box, to do things differently than they have been done before and with weirdness comes braveness! Embrace your weird side – it is the side of you that is authentic and hasn’t been overlaid with all the rules. Be weird and be bold, let that freak flag fly high!

12. All I can do is be me - whoever that is

A quote by another Gemini - Bob Dylan, that I attached myself to as a guiding post in my teens. It enabled me to be myself here at this moment and to be alright with the fact that even I might not have a clear idea of who that is. I am forever changing and evolving with every second, something is shedding and something is being born, so getting attached to an identity is something that just would stagnate and stifle my growth in these limitless possibilities. Of course, having a calling and a path and keeping to it is magnificent, but don’t attach your whole being on labels.

13. Don’t expect – know

Expectations are parasitic, they lead to dissatisfaction and keep hold over you in the present moment. When you expect, you are paralyzed by visions of the future therefore already foretelling your reactions to something that hasn’t happened yet. Allow yourself the joy of experiencing the moment, by simply knowing that everything is happening how it should be and you can either learn from it or let it go. Know that everything is happening for the best and it truly and actually will! Your perception will evolve to see the bigger picture.

14. Patience is the currency of peace

This one came to me in an Ayahuasca ceremony I did that year in February, just when Russia started the war in Ukraine. With raging emotions around, I truly felt how so many problems, arguments, and misunderstandings start where there is a lack of patience, and, if we exchanged patient moments with each other, so many of these things would cease to take hold of us. Just exchanging understanding and selfless attention would make such a difference in our perception of each other, that we would actually start to see ourselves in others.

15. Don’t react – respond

The reaction is an unconscious behavior fueled by emotions that haven’t been fully integrated. When we react, we can cause a lot of pain, because we are coming from our pain body. The trick is to learn how to respond consciously, from a place of understanding. To get fully in touch with your emotions and respond productively, taking the responsibility for how we respond to situations, people, and the world!

16. Care less what others think

The truth is nobody has time to care about you as much as you think they do. You keep it in your mind longer than others. That thing you said years ago, that makes you feel awkward still, is probably alive just in your mind. Of course, this doesn’t mean to become a complete nihilist, just to weigh the importance of your attachment to others' opinions of you. Care more about what you think about yourself and you will be liberated!

17. Don’t take things too seriously

I think one of the biggest problems of the world today is that we take things too seriously. Find humor in any given situation, find lightness and joy, and don’t get stuck in the morbidness and heaviness of the situation, if something is not going according to the plan, you should feel free to laugh. Laughter is the best medicine for the body and mind, it is proven to alleviate stress and anxiety, so have a bit of a laugh!

18. Flirt with yourself

You are so sexy, just the way you are. Don’t be afraid to look in the mirror and see yourself as someone desirable, someone who is going to rock your world, someone you would want to take home. Wink at yourself, compliment yourself, have a cheeky smile, and find your sexiest angles. If you can seduce yourself – you can seduce the whole world!

19. Communicate clear boundaries

Know your boundaries. You are exploring what you are, what you can allow in your space, and what makes you comfortable and what doesn’t. Communicate these boundaries to others clearly, when you are feeling that someone is overstepping them, otherwise, they might not be aware that this is something that triggers you. After that, you can start working on understanding your triggers and healing them, but for that you need to feel safe and understood, so don’t be afraid to create those boundaries!

20. Share your vulnerabilities

It takes a lot of courage to be open and share freely from the heart. Only by being open and vulnerable others can have the bravery to open up too. By being vulnerable you are creating more space for free expression and understanding. Come around the fire, create sharing circles and listen to people, you might find that you are not alone in this and that someone might have some words of wisdom or encouragement. Allow others to witness and support you as you truly are. That is the only way we can grow together. Brene Brown wrote a wonderful book on how being brave is tied with allowing yourself to be vulnerable, I suggest checking it out!

21. Don’t get attached to people, places, events

That’s tough, I know. Letting go is the key to moving forwards and enjoying life in the now, otherwise, you are stuck in the past. It hinders your ability to clearly make choices in the now. What is attached in the past is part of your ego, that liked how it was mirrored back to you in that person, place, or event. The ego likes to look for validation outside itself and build attachments. You are more than your ego, all you need, you already have, no one and no place can set you free other than yourself. “So spend some time seeing each of these things you cling to for what it really is, a nightmare that causes you excitement and pleasure on the one hand but also worry, insecurity, tension, anxiety, fear, and unhappiness on the other.” Anthony de Mello from the book “The Way To Love” – highly recommend!

22. Others can’t decide on your own truth – you can do whatever you want

Others have their own circumstances, their own conditioning, and their own traumas they are dealing with, you have your own beautiful bouquet of all that, your own experience from which you are learning and growing. It is your own truth, your unique pattern. So how can anybody decide on what you are supposed to do in your own life? It is easier to follow someone else’s advice than to trust that you yourself can decide for yourself because you really can do whatever you want! To realize the power of the freedom you actually have can be scary, as we are conditioned to be conformists for the big machine to run smoothly, but heck with that! You are incredible, you are smart and your realization of self is the best thing that can happen on this planet! So do what feels right to YOU, what aligns with YOUR values, YOUR truth!

23. It is ok to change your mind

Don’t hold yourself captive by the ideas, feelings, and thoughts you had a long time ago. Change is inevitable, we all are evolving by changes happening to us. You are responsible for your own well-being, so don’t be afraid to communicate if something doesn’t resonate with you anymore. Change your carrier, your apartment, your relationship status if it’s not bringing you any fulfillment or joy, you don’t owe anyone anything!

24. Things we find annoying in others, usually mirror us

That loud, rude person over there chewing without consideration for others' peace and quiet, how dare he? You probably do the same in different ways and don’t even realize it. Someone’s micromanaging of you might be something you do to others as well. So, before you pass judgment on others, hold a mirror up to yourself and you’ll see that all the things you find annoying in others, you subconsciously find annoying in yourself. There’s a Latvian saying – you’ll see a splinter in someone else’s eye first before seeing a log in yours.

25. Honesty will set you free

Honestly! It is so freeing when you don’t have to worry about how you are perceived, what mask you have to put on, or constantly worry about what others might think of you. It all starts with being honest with yourself, acknowledging your wants and needs, and expressing yourself from the point where you really feel authentically aligned with yourself. To peel off layer by layer you have built around yourself. Trust that what you are underneath is precious and unique, and by being dishonest you are robbing the world of that presence and not allowing the right people to find you.

26. Take yourself on a trip

Take yourself on an adventure, go out and explore! You don’t need to wait for other people to enable you or invite you. You deserve to take yourself out, to enjoy your own company in different environments, to smell flowers, to dance around in the rain, to enjoy a meal, generally to take as much time as you need when you are exploring, to take as many pauses as you want, to go as fast as you want, to pay full attention on your own pace and be guided by your intuition! I am a social person, who enjoys the company of my friends, therefore it took me 29 years to go traveling alone for the first time and that experience was transformational.

27. There’s no right or wrong, only embodied or not embodied

Another clear realization I had after my plant medicine ceremony. It is hard to hold grudges and be angry when you realize that right or wrong are social constructs, and what we perceive as wrong might seem totally right to others. Therefore when we think of the evils of the world, that generally are thought of as wrong, they are just decisions made by people who were not embodied in their own being, who were insecure, haunted by fears and untreated traumas, who have not felt the all-encompassing love of the being, who are disconnected from nature, from themselves. To break that cycle of disconnection we must forgive and do better ourselves, to not fall into the ego power traps.

28. Cultivate stillness

You, at this moment, are your greatest teacher. It is quite scary to sit with your own thoughts without reaching for distraction, for something outside yourself to fill your mind, just so you can escape that turmoil within. Go into that turmoil, let it be dealt with, allow it space, name it and you will see it slowly untying its knots and therefore - the hold over you. And without all that noise around and within, you’ll start to see how much wisdom you actually are holding in. Being in stillness, in deep reflection is a cure for the human experience.

29. Be adaptable

If you look at the evolution on this planet it has never been survival of the fittest and strongest, it’s the survival of those who adopt the best. Because life’s not going to be smooth sailing all the time, adapt to the changing weather, to plans not going your way, to unforeseen circumstances. It truly does not serve you if you cling to an idea or a plan and then hold to that even when everything around you demands a change. Being flexible, open, and allowing yourself to learn rather than stick to something dogmatically, will increase your quality of life!

30. Romanticize your life!

Life is a freaking beautiful journey, in which you’re the main character, the director, and the producer of. You can choose if that movie is either horror, drama, or romantic adventure. Allow yourself to feel like the main character, create these scenic moments, wear that pretty dress, go stand on that bridge where the wind whooshes your hair around and look into the distance pondering life. Feel alive now, see beauty in the mundane, and make it a vibe! You deserve to have a beautiful experience in this life and you have the power to make it so!

So here are my 30 lessons!

I hope you find them valuable or at least interesting. Obviously, there are so many more I could add, but these were the ones that came to me during that month. These are tailored by my experience as an extroverted introvert and these were the lessons I had to learn and ingrain to do and to be better. Some lessons are still integrating or need to be reminded of daily, and some have aided a big shift in my life to embody who I truly am. I am so incredibly proud of writing these down, they give me guidance and present that I might indeed have learned a thing or two on this planet.

And so I celebrated my 30th birthday in Rome, by myself, allowing myself to be the main character, allowing life to surprise me and bring me presents! It was one of the best birthdays I have had, and I am truly so grateful that I made myself do this, and to everyone who took the time to watch the videos and support me!

If your birthday is coming up, I invite you to participate in this challenge, it was truly revolutionary for me and makes the wait for the birthday less dreadful, and more insightful! Tag me if you are doing it, I would love to know your biggest lessons! #30before30

To see all of the videos I made during these 30 days start here!

Stay weird, stay free, and in love! 💖

-Agnese

https://video.wixstatic.com/video/500c42_b906312df4a94e8fbab8931e715ad0eb/480p/mp4/file.mp4